Friday, September 28, 2007

We have felting. . .

I finished my bag for the Fall Felted Bag Exchange last night & felted this morning. There is still some stitch definition but after 2 trips thru the washer I think I've got it as good as it's going to be. It's drying right now so we'll s ee how I feel when it's dry.

Hunter is at the mechanics having my car's 60k checkup done. Very sweet of him. It's something that's easy to do w/out a 3 yr old in tow so he's there w/ a book & cup of coffee enjoying some solitude & man talk LOL.

The wee one is playing w/ play doh (one of her favorite past times---actually she loves all sorts of art related things----painting, coloring etc) & I'm about to start a load of laundry. Funny how having one more person in the house adds that much more to the laundry load!

A friend forwarded a blog to me that really made me sad. The author is a mother & feels "trapped" by her responsibilities. I could relate to that when the wee one was very young & I was making the transition from working gal to SAHM. I was almost 37 when she was born & used to leaving the house to go to work every day. The hair was done, full face of makeup, dressed cute, you know the drill. Suddenly (well okay, not so suddenly as I was pregnant for 9 months but you KWIM) I was thrust into a lifestyle where it was just me & this little person A shower became a luxury & if I was smart I'd take it when she was napping. I was SO sleep deprived that first month. Hunter would put me to bed at 9 or 10 on the weekends & stay up w/ her.

When she was a few months old I heard about the MOMS club in town & joined. It was my saving grace. I was out with other women in the same situation as me. There was a small group of us w/young babies & we went through teething, 1st solids, transitioning from bottles to sippies, etc together. Those days of feeling "trapped" were behind me & honestly, 3 1/2 yrs later I can say without a doubt that I LOVE being a SAHM. Sure, I miss having my own income. I miss shopping for work clothes & I miss having an identity other than "Mommy" but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I joke about it when the wee one's having a rough day because as those of you who have been there before know the trials & tribulations of having a 3 yr old. The back talk, the assertion of free will, the boundless energy.

There are days when I feel angry that I'm doing this alone but I know that this deployment will pass. I'm not one of those wives who loses her grip on reality during a deployment or worse---during a TDY. *steps on soap box* If you're an active duty military spouse & cannot handle a month without your husband you've got issues. Maybe I'm being harsh, maybe I'm judging other wives, maybe I'm just plain ol' mean. Whatever. But really, in war time? I'll admit, a month without your spouse is difficult---I've been there MANY times. I've also been without him for more than a calendar year as well. It's part of the territory & apart from a short vacation (going to visit family) I am proud to say that I have NEVER had to run home to Mommy & Daddy because I couldn't deal with the time away from my husband. Sorry, when you marry a military man DURING WAR TIME deployments are part of the package. I've also seen what deployments are like for my husband---specifically time away from our daughter. Last time he left she was 9 months old. He didn't see her until she was almost 17 months & then when she was 21 months old he came home. This time he left an almost 3 yr old with limited vocabulary--he came home a couple weeks ago to a walking dictionary! How could I resent being home with that??? The changes I've seen in her during the past 6 months alone are incredible.

*steps off soap box*

So back to the "trapped" issues. I truly believe that your life is what you make of it. YOU are the one making decisions about your life. We have just 1 child because honestly I dont want to be the pregnant wife w/ the deployed husband. Maybe I'm selfish. I like to think I'm realistic about my skills & my limitations. I like the fact that it's just me & the wee one during this time.

If I were really unhappy w/ my position in life I would look into going back to work & perhaps when the wee one is in school full time I will look into something that offers "mother's hours" as I want to be there when she gets home from school in the afternoon. I want to be the one to taxi her to dance lessons, music lessons, art lessons, sports, whatever activity she wants to be involved in. My Mom tells me that I grew up at 37 & in many ways she's right. Never before had I been so challenged, so tested & so incredibly responsible for someone else.

Motherhood isn't for sissies & it's not for the faint of heart. It's truly the most challenging job I've had & the one w/ the longest hours, the worst pay but the BEST benefits! "Trapped" isn't a word I choose to describe it. I choose to count myself as lucky, blessed & fortunate to be in this position! I feel bad for "trapped" mommy & hope she's able to come to some place where she's comfortable with her position because it's really a fantastic place to be.


Nancy @ the Jersey Shore said...

Bravo. Great post. I'm not a mom, nor a wife, but I commend you for your foresight and fortitude. Best wishes!

Ursula said...

Speaking from your husband's point of view brought tears to my eyes. (ok I'm a Pisces, it happens) The absent father's voice is rarely heard. Very well put. I'm not a mom either but maybe someday. And when mommy-hood arrives I'm down for the challenge! Thanks for the inspiration :)

Shawnee said...

Amen Sister! Really, you are speaking truth into the situation. I sincerely hope the poster is able to find MOMs or another group that will help her find value in her time at home.

Special hugs to you. I'm so glad you're having a wonderful time with hubby.