Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Wall

No, not Pink Floyd, but the wall in the deployment where you realize you have had enough. I hit that wall on Tuesday although I suspect I may have been suppressing it since before the holidays.

The Wee One came home from school on Tuesday with a flyer announcing "Donuts with Dad" next month. If Dad can't make it then another adult male may go in his place.

1) Our Dad is deployed.

2) We have no male relatives who live nearby b/c well, we're military & not stationed near family.

The flyer says you may "share" another child's dad but honestly, there are only a few dad's at the school she knows & really, while they're nice guys, they're not men I'd be comfortable asking to let her tag along.

Those not participating can come into school a 1/2 hr later. I've started so many letters to the director (she's been incredibly supportive & sweet about our situation so I don't blame, nor do I hate her & I certainly don't want to tell her off, as has been suggested on a message board I'm on) in my head that I dont know if I should even whine about it. I love this school & if the Wee One doesn't make it into the school district's pre-K program (it's done by lottery) I'm planning on keeping her where she is b/c it IS that good of a school.

It just hit me like a ton of bricks when I read that flyer. And after I was done crying I was mad. I was mad that Hunter is gone yet again. I was mad that there are STILL soldiers (and we're talking senior NCO's!) who have NEVER been to either Iraq or Afghanistan. I was mad that I felt like such a whiney ninny.

And to add insult to injury my laptop died---yet again! I brought it to Geek Squad on Sunday only to find out on Monday that my hard drive is fried. Lovely. After using the beast that is known as the desk top & whining to Hunter (whining, not being a whiney ninny--there IS a difference!) about how it is inconvenient to use the desk top, I cant keep an eye on the wee one, let's fix the Dell & keep it for travel & photo storage, blah blah blah I got the go ahead to buy a new laptop. My new one is an HP special edition w/ a funky paisley type thingy on the cover. The touchpad & keyboard feel different than my Dell but I'm liking this one a lot. Even Vista isn't too hard to get used to! I was glad I asked the GS to recover my pictures & documents from my other one as I was sick to my stomach thinking that I was going to lose them. My New Year's resolution is to back up pictures!

Now that CHristmas & the travel madness is over I can go back to the gym. I went on Tuesday & my abs & arms are so sore! We have a gym where we live which is nice b/c it's free for residents. The downside is they have 3 treadmills & 2 ellipticals. Let's not even talk about the stair stepper--I dont use it! I used to do the recumbent bikes but found I like one of the ellipticals much better. The stinky thing is it's ALWAYS being used when I'm there. I dont want to join a gym but I may have to unless I can accept the fact that I must share MY elliptical (ha!)

On the Knitting front, I seem to have lost my mojo. I think it left to go to see Leslie! I picked up some pretty mohair before christmas & was going to make a scarf from it. So I CO in car line wating for the wee one last week. Nope, made it to the 2nd row, 2nd ROW people!! and realized I had CO too many stitches. Um, remedial math for knitters? Hi, I need a class! Then I started a baby blanket for my girlfriend who is due in June & having her 3rd girl. I dont even konw what happened there but I'm blaming my needles. It just didn't feel right. The yarn is adorable--pink, brown & white (neopolitan) & will be such a pretty blanket but for some reason it wasn't happening.

I need to climb this wall & get back to my plucky Army wife self & accept that people will use MY elliptical (grrrr), & hope that my knitting mojo comes back!


Kristyn said...

Oh honey I am sorry that you are feeling so down. I hope you are able to scale that wall in record time. Hugs to you and the wee one!

LeslieJ said...

oh, hugs and kisses, you are so strong and I know you will make it over that wall. I'll try sending the knitting mojo back to you :)

NH Knitting Mama said...

Aw, Laurie... I'm sorry you're in a rut. I honestly can't say that I understand all the emotions that you are feeling, but I can imagine it's really hard! You're certainly entitled to whine sometimes!

As far as the Donuts with Dad... If Hunter was home would this upset you? I'm guessing no, because you're a good person that way, it's just the sting of the situation that is upsetting. Maybe just let Wee One go in the 1/2 hour later, but you can take her out for donuts that morning before school.

Reach out if you need. I'm here to listen!

Angela said...

:-( It does suck, doesn't it? I'm sorry the wee one won't have anyone to take to for donuts. We're on the downward slope now! The remaining few months will pass quickly. Chin up! :-)

jopal said...

The suggestion to take her out for donuts sounds like a nice idea.
Sorry you feel down!
Hope thing start looking up soon!

Justshajam said...

I'm sorry that wee one is missing Donuts with Dad. There is nothing I can say but it's wrong that your family sacrifices so much for us and others that work for the same organization has never. A flat Daddy won't even make it the same.

I'm sending you some knitting power- If you get knitting Attention Deficit- you can blame me though.

kristie said...


sounds like you are going through the ringer. Not a nice place to be. Things will get better though keep climbing.